Dry mouth. Sweaty palms. Churning stomach. How to make friends with your nerves.

It’s not something many people would guess about me now, but as a child I was very shy. I used to get so anxious speaking in front of others that I would blush - all over my face, down my neck and to my chest - my throat would close up and when things really got bad, my mouth got so dry it was almost impossible to talk. Despite this, I had a love of performing. Led mainly by my love of music, being on a stage (albeit one of many in a large choir) started to feel less terrifying and more exciting. No longer crippled by anxiety, I began to seek more and more opportunities to take myself out of my comfort zone and do the things I actually really enjoyed doing.

It’s not to say I don’t get nervous. I can recall three quite significant occasions over the last two decades - one performing at the Perth Concert Hall, another my first corporate training session, and then my first live television appearance - where the dry mouth hit me so hard I almost couldn’t go on. I actually get nervous every time I stand in front of a group of people and talk - whether that be in the media, in a training session or a speaking gig. The thing is, you just get much better at dealing with those nerves, reminding your body and your mind it’s ok, and pushing through those first 60 seconds of the intense fight or flight reaction running through your body.

In fact, that’s one of the many reasons why I love helping people conquer their own fear of speaking or ‘performing’, their own fear of doing the thing they actually really want to do. So much of it is actually about surrendering, giving your body and mind permission to freak out and actually acknowledging all those feelings charging through you. Saying to yourself, hey nerves. I see you. It’s ok - we’re safe. Let’s work together and make this so freaking exciting you’re going to want to do it again. And again. And again.

So here are three of my favourite tips on how to deal with (and make friends with) your nerves.

Breathing is everything.

Another thing a lot of people don’t know about me is I am a trained singer. Whilst my musical instrument certainly doesn’t work as well as it used to (just ask my kids, subjected to my vigorous car karaoke on the daily), but it taught me just how valuable knowing how to control your breathing is. Firstly you need to learn how to breath from the diaphragm, making sure your posture allows for this! Check out Amy Cuddy’s research into power posing if you’re not already familiar with it. Take a long, slow, deep breath - I like to imagine engaging my stomach first, and then expanding into my chest cavity. Breathing in through your nose is also how you engage your parasympathetic nervous system and get your body to relax. The 4-7-8 technique is also a really nice one to assist mindfulness and decrease anxiety.

Visualise yourself nailing it.

Positive visualisation might seem like something that won’t make much difference to your nerves and performance, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Have you ever heard that athletes use visualisation to aid peak performance? Sports psychologists and elite athletes use visualisation techniques broadly to literally program their subconscious for success. Yet how many of us (often without meaning to!) visualise everything going wrong - saying the wrong thing, tripping on or even forgetting our words? Don’t underestimate the impact of this - flip it in your favour and make sure you do this more than once. Repetition is powerful, in more ways than one!

Preparation is key - but don’t overdo it.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again - while preparation is absolutely critical to nailing your performance, over preparing is one of the best ways to let your nerves really take hold. I like to prepare to 80% and then trust myself enough to leave the rest to unfold as it will. In my opinion, perfection is highly overrated - however genuine, authentic connection with audience is not. Put simply, if perfection is your goal, you won’t be focused enough on building that emotional, memorable connection with your audience - and that will cost you. So prepare your content, give it the right structure, rehearse it out loud enough times to know it sounds and feels natural, and then stop. And refer to points one and two.

I want to leave you with a few little bits of advice I’ve received over the almost 30 (!) years I’ve been performing, on all different types of stages. The first is that you will never get rid of your nerves, and you don’t want to. Learning how to harness them so you can use them to your benefit should be the aim. Believe it or not, they’re your friend - not the enemy.

And finally, the day you stop getting nervous is the day you stop caring. Take your nerves as a sign you’re invested and you care. Know that television presenters, professional speakers and Olympic athletes all get nervous. Be proud of yourself for doing something scary, give your nerves a wink and a pat on the back and say, “we’ve got this”.